She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
