I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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