dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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