i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
