he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize