K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
