clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
