im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
