I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
