Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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