Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
