I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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