I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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