he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just had sex on a roof
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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