She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
