so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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