Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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