How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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