Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
