You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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