He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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