I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize