Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
