I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
