i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize