i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
