I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
