Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
