and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just pynch a tree in the face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
