Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He did a backflip because drugs
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
