Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
