id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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