I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
