It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
