Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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