just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
