Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
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