Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i came on her dog
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
