okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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