im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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