Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
