Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
