i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
