The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
