and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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