god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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