You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was like eating out sand paper
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
