She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
