Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
