hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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