Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
