Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
