dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
