There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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