The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
