Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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