singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
