So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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