now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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