It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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