We're facebook friends in real life
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
