I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
