i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
