I accidentally burped into my bong.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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