when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
