we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
