Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
