If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
