I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize